IVF journal.

In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF): the process by which fertilisation (of an egg by sperm) takes place outside of the body before transferring into the womb in hope of implantation and pregnancy.

This journal entry is a bit longer than my others as I wanted to go into a little more detail about this part of our story. So here we go…

IVF. What an absolute rollercoaster – something we never imagined we would have to consider yet turned out to be a beautiful love story. It took a very long time to come to terms with the fact that we may never be able to conceive naturally but after over three years of trying (and our fourth year looming) we decided to take the plunge.

We had heard on the grapevine of a public bulk-billed provider called Primary IVF (now Adora fertility) which we decided would be a great option to reduce the financial pressure from what is already such an emotionally and physically demanding process. The availability of public IVF options is not something that is well known to many - nor was it shared with us by any of the various health care professionals we had seen previously.

The early stages of the process were not without apprehension. IVF felt like we were nearing the end of the road (not in a good way) and our fear of the unknown was very real. But the main thing we had was hope and this was worth everything. We allowed ourselves to take our time with the initial stage of the process and it didn’t bother us that it was a bit slow in general to start with. It included appointments with their GP’s, a series of further tests and some formalities such as a police check (which is a legal requirement in Victoria prior to IVF treatment). A few months later, in the new year, we booked in to see the specialist to discuss options/recommendations and decided to commence IVF treatment as soon as possible. That same day we had an appointment with their counsellor and then a nurse to discuss how to administer the medications. Looking back, it still amazes me how quickly it all happened from this point. We were lucky enough to be able to commence treatment just two weeks later at the start of my next cycle.

We wanted to make this journey as positive as possible with the hope that it could be exactly what we had been waiting for – the beginning of our little babe’s story. So, we created our own special IVF ritual. At the same time each night, we would gather together on our bed with everything laid out in front of me and my husband with our polaroid camera in hand. I’d prep the needles and James would then coach me through before snapping a polaroid of me injecting myself with hormones. I would then sit and journal about the day, how I was feeling physically and emotionally, any thoughts or triggers that had presented themselves. I kept all of my entries completely focused on myself internally – just simple, raw reflections. It was in a way a beautiful time of deep, honest connection with myself and I found it incredibly healing and empowering.

This pattern continued - some days were harder than others, some more emotionally or physically taxing, some more painful and some injections leaving small bruises behind. My treatment began with one injection per night for the first five days, which then upgraded to two injections from day six – one to stimulate the growth/maturation of many juicy follicles at once and the other to stop my body from ovulating prematurely. The effects of the medication were almost immediate and pretty tough physically and emotionally but I made a conscious effort to really allow myself to slow down, nourish my body and rest when I needed to (which was a lot).

During treatment, I was closely monitored with blood tests and internal ultrasounds to track the development of follicles and determine when my body would be ready for egg collection. On treatment day 10 it was confirmed that my eggs were ready and that night I completed my usual injections for the last time and was also instructed to administer my ‘trigger’ shot exactly 36 hours prior to the procedure. It was such an incredible relief to know that we had made it through this first phase and we eagerly awaited collection day where they were able to collect 11 mature eggs from my swollen ovaries (during a procedure under general anesthetic). My eggs were then quickly stored together with James’ sperm and monitored for fertilisation. The procedure itself was over very quickly and before I knew it I was back in recovery but was quite sore, exhausted and couch bound for the next 24 hours or so to rest.

The next day we received incredibly positive and emotional news that five of my eggs had successfully fertilised. The embryos were then left to develop further over the next few days (without further monitoring during this time) and transfer was scheduled for the following Monday. This was five days from collection and we were hoping for them to develop to their blastocyst stage ready for transfer. I commenced using a special progesterone gel every night before bed to help support my body for possible conception which I continued using for the next couple of weeks.

Transfer day came and we went to our appointment as planned feeling incredibly excited and nervous – we knew at least one of our embryos must have made it or they would have called us that morning to cancel our appointment. We were elated to hear that one of our embryos had been frozen for later use and we had a beautiful fresh embryo waiting for us – the remaining three hadn’t progressed as well as these two so they would continue to monitor them over the next few days to see what happens. Transfer was incredibly quick and surreal. We got to see out perfect little embryo up on a screen in front of us before watching via ultrasound as the tiny little dot was transferred safely inside my uterus. I kept it together pretty well during transfer (as I was in quite a vulnerable position) but as soon as we left the tears were pouring. I don’t think I have ever cried so much in my life. James had overheard the specialist and the lab technician gushing over how beautiful and perfect our embryo was which made us feel so incredibly hopeful. We had never been this close to our dream before and I was officially pregnant until proven otherwise!

Then came the two-week-wait which felt like the longest two weeks ever and was quite an emotional rollercoaster. We did all we could to remain positive and continue nourishing my body to care for the little embryo inside of me. Sadly, during this time we received word that the three embryos they had been monitoring didn’t make it, which was incredibly disheartening especially during such a vulnerable time. I grieved the little babies that weren’t meant to be but tried to remember how lucky we were to have one beauty inside of me and another little frozie in wait for later.

What is now one of our favourite days finally arrived! I had a blood test first thing in the morning around two weeks later and that afternoon received a call from the very nurse who had explained my medications to us. Tears flowed as I heard the words “congratulations” and immediately called James to share the news with him. Pregnant! Such a surreal and beautiful moment that we had waited so very long for (by this time it had been just over four years). We knew this was the exact baby meant for us – our baby. The one that had been patiently waiting for us all this time.

So here we are a few months later, I’m currently 29 weeks pregnant and we are over the moon with happiness and so deeply in love. Even now I look back and can’t believe how incredibly lucky we are. Our journey has been such a long one and then IVF was such an intense and fast paced time which we are so grateful for. As I type out our story and dive deeply into a pool of emotional nostalgia and reflection, our little babe’s kicks bring me back to reality. This divine chapter is only just the beginning of a beautiful new love story. People have asked if we wish we had tried IVF sooner but my answer is always “no”. I wouldn’t change a single thing in our journey as I know everything has happened exactly the way it was supposed to. We are the exact versions of ourselves that we needed to be to take on this journey and exactly who we are supposed to be for this baby. The universe knows.

Thanks for reading babes. It has been such a therapeutic journey sharing our story with you and I can’t wait to share more on this next new phase.

To the babes out there on their own journeys – I see you.

Much love and kind vibes always.

- Rachel x

Note: these journal entries are just my own experiences and not recommendations for what might be right for others.